How to Stop Caring What People Think

I feel like I get inspired by the conversations happening in my life, what I see on social media, and people I admire. One conversation that has been coming up so much all over the place is caring about what people think and how much that stands in the way of your success. I mean seriously, I have had an hour long phone call with my sister about this right before another hour long talk about the exact same thing. It’s something so many people still struggle with. I was told that I started thinking about this around 12-years old, and my moms 40-something and still tells me about issues like this. So, before getting into this, I want you to know that you will go your whole life being perceived by people that don’t even know you. They can leave hateful comments or call you beautiful, but to be frank, but of those things should mean the same to you because neither of them know you personally. The only way to stop thinking about the constant need to please everyone, is by getting rid of your need for validation from anyone other than yourself.

Let’s start with the basics. Accept that you will be judged regardless. Like I mentioned, judgement can range from people being nice, to mean, to everything in between. You are going to get judged no matter what (even if you play it safe). This is exactly what made me realize that I shouldn’t be doing things to try and fit into other peoples molds, but I should be doing things that make me happy. I mean plus, the “mold” changes depending on who you’re around, which would make you a guppy. A guppy in my mind is someone who does not have a personality of their own, but just leeches off of whoever they decide to hangout with that week. I mean, to be fair we all can say we are like the people we spend time with, but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t all taken time to discover who we are and what we like. My friend said something recently along the lines of, “Instead of going to do something you like and finding people that share mutual interests, they go and find people and then do what they’re interested in.” A guppy. It really just comes down to the fact that you should do what make you happy, and if you don’t know what makes you happy… You might need to heal that inner child a little bit more.

Next, if your mom says something about you versus some internet stranger, you are probably going to value your mom’s opinion a little more, right? I’m saying this to lead into the question, do you even respect the person’s opinion? I mean, would you trade places with that person? Based off of the choices, judgement, and opinions they’ve had up until where they are now, do you respect them and where they are in life? I also like to question if they are giving me advice from a place of wisdom, or just projecting their own fears on to me? That’s what I thought. You need to learn how to prioritize the voices that add value to your life and have your best interest.

This is my new favorite thing, be comfortable being uncomfortable. A lot of people fear judgement because it makes you uncomfortable. It gives you that icky feeling in your stomach, and if you’re anything like me you’d probably cry. Here’s the great thing about this though, being confident doesn’t mean you don’t feel uncomfortable. That feeling may never go away. You just have to realize that it is never going away! Once you recognize that all judgement is going to make you feel some sort of way, regardless of good or bad, it makes everything much easier. Remind yourself: It is normal to feel this way after hearing that negative comment. The more you do things that you may feel “judged” for, the more comfortable you’ll get with that uncomfortable feeling that probably isn’t leaving. You just don’t care about that feeling anymore.

A very important thing to remember is that you cannot constantly think about the outcome and how people will react. If you base your self-worth on how people will react to your success and failure, it will make it so much harder to not take everything to heart. Along with the fact that you won’t be doing it for you anymore! You will forever be chasing approval from people that don’t think twice about that one situation three years ago. Focus on how you feel about yourself and what you’re doing.

Last thing, remind yourself to stop giving a fuck. You can write this in the back of your phone case, you can put it on your mirror. Just remind yourself until it’s true. A few questions that go with this are will this matter in five years? Who am I living for? Would I rather be liked or happy?. At the end of the day all of these answers will lead you to the answer: Not giving a fuck.