Solo Dates: Dinner for One

We should all be going on solo dates. And to be frank, anything can be labeled a solo date! Prior to moving down to San Diego, I had a tough time doing things alone. I didn’t want to go for walks alone, thrifting, baking. Any plans I had, involved another friend. Which, in theory, is super fun. Inviting your friends to hangout always brightens the mood, but what happened to independence? I mean seriously, are you really independent if you depend on other people to be your motivation to get out of the house? The answer is no. At least in my book. Not only are solo dates a great way to build up your capability to be alone, but it is another form of self-care. I think it’s the most over-looked form of self-care and love actually. Here, I’m going over the rules, the why’s, and the what’s.

So, first I want to go over the rules. I’m thinking about making a Tik Tok where I have the rules pulled up and I go over them, but I don’t like to talk in my videos. Eh, maybe you’ll see it, maybe you won’t. Anyways… Rules for solo dates. What are some things you should follow and focus on to have a successful and enjoyable time while out and alone. First of all, dress up! Throw on that one bold outfit you’ve been too nervous to wear, or maybe just put on your favorite dress. But, you need to dress up. And make sure you’re doing it for yourself. You aren’t meeting anyone there, or at least not intentionally. I think that putting effort into looking good and it being for yourself is the most rewarding feeling. You feel beautiful in your own skin, without getting any external validation you may normally crave. Rule number two, don’t feel guilty! Once again, this is a SOLO date. A solo date means you took the time to be alone and drive to the restaurant, and whatever else. What I’m trying to get at is that your time is sacred. You shouldn’t feel guilty about putting your solo date plans above maybe a night you planned on facetiming someone. That’s a bad example, but I hope you understand what I mean. Now, we’re onto rule number three. Put your phone in your purse. Leave your phone at home (if you can get to wherever you’re going without maps). Try to stay away from scrolling. I think I’ve talked about this before, but if you’re on your phone while you’re “alone”. Babe, you’re not really alone. Maybe take a couple pictures, make sure to get a selfie and photo of what you're doing to remind yourself how much fun you had, but don’t you dare open Instagram. Alright, next rule, be present. I know we have all seen those videos about romanticizing your life, but how many of us are utilizing it? Whether you’re just having a coffee date or your painting in the park, try to find beauty in every little thing. What does your coffee smell like? How does the sun on your back feel? What about that kite you saw… These are all things you can take note of, take a photo of, and find joy in. Rule number… five? No flaking. Treat this solo date like a real date, because it is. Show up for yourself. If you don’t feel like going five minutes before you leave the house, how would you treat this situation with someone you love? Would you just cancel, or would you follow through? Maybe you’d invite them over to make some dinner at your place. Plus, if you cancel the first time, you’ll find a reason to cancel every time. We all know going out to dinner alone can be a little embarrassing, even if nobody else thinks so. So, go out. Don’t cancel. Lastly, reflect. Find some time to write about your date afterwards. Maybe make a voice memo, but just put some time aside to learn what you loved and what you maybe could’ve done differently. Now that we’re done with the “rules”, we can move on.

Why are solo dates so important? In my experience, I feel like my solo dates build my confidence. They show me that I actually enjoy my own company, and if I enjoy my company, why wouldn’t others? At least I’ll know that on days where I find myself alone, I find myself loved. Another reason why they’re important is because they help you develop emotional independence. It shows that you don’t have to seek external validation to feel a certain way. Once you find yourself going on walks, runs, pottery, movie, and other dates alone, you’ll realize you don’t need others to validate your experiences. Going off of validating your experiences, you also just find things you like because you like it. Not because others told you to. There is a lot of self-discovery to have in this lifetime, and one way to do it is going on dates alone. Maybe you like doing yoga, and the best way to find that out is by doing some yoga alone. I am full of bad examples today, but I know you all understand. Last reason as to why solo dates are an important part to your life are they set standards. They show you how you want to be treated. The only competition a man should ever feel he has is with you. If you take yourself on a date that you loved and had fun doing, then you know what you want when someone else takes you on a date.

Now that you have every reason in the world to go on a solid date, what’re you going to do? Are you feeling something slow, maybe playful or creative to heal that inner child, or maybe you want to get active and move your body. I have a few things for each one of those categories. Let’s start with some low impact and brain power activities, maybe a day you’re feeling hungover. Grab your favorite book or a journal and a pen, and head to a coffee shop. Personally, I would try a new coffee shop, preferably one in walking distance. If you don’t feel like trying some new espresso, hit a museum. Yes, this one might cost you $15, but you get to spend the day admiring art. One of my favorite things to do is grab a bottle of wine and hit the beach. This one does include driving yourself, probably, which means no wine for you. But, sparkling grape juice is always an option. Maybe make a charcuterie board before you go! I think that having a spa night can definitely count as a solo date, but I think that we all do this more often than we think without labeling it as a date, so if you’re like me and do this weekly, just knock this off the list. Okay, so what do you do when you feel like acting like a five-year old that’s actually twenty? Go thrifting! Find a super weird, but cute, bold, and “out there” outfit. Another option, that could fall under more of a creative category is take an art class or go paint some pottery. This one will cost you probably $60, or at least if you’re in San Diego, but it is so worth it. You could make the most perfect mug to drink your daily coffee out of, and make sure to add your initials on the bottom of it to really give it that elementary school feel. This one is definitely something to try out. but go to a concert alone. I went to a Clairo concert alone, and despite feeling so awkward and regretting my decision to wear heels, it was so fun. You should always give the crowd the benefit of the doubt, and if your favorite artist is in town, don’t let none of your friends knowing the band stop you. Some more creative date ideas are having a vision board night. This one should definitely include a bottle of wine, a Pinterest board, and glitter. If you aren’t feeling like getting the glue sticks out, have a writing date. Start a blog… Take time to write out your whole dream day! Okay, so let’s say that you aren’t feeling creative or whatever, you’re just needing to get out and do something, take a workout class. Go hit up a yoga in the park class or maybe go for a hike with a good podcast going on. This might be basic, but I am in love with Call Her Daddy. The final solo date I have for this category is going to be renting a bike. I haven’t done this yet, but it sounds so fun. Biking along the beach for an hour or two sounds like a dream, and honestly would probably be super therapeutic. Okay, the actual last date idea is a dinner for one. A nice dinner, like go buy yourself some steak, and make sure you’re buying dessert too. This gives you a reason to get super dressed up, and is the easiest one to do because we all need to eat. Pick your favorite restaurant, and maybe make friends with the waiter.

Have fun ridin’ solo!