Why Do Guys Like Boring Girls?

I am so sorry for the abrupt entrance. I am in the middle of the show “Nobody Wants This” and let me tell you if you haven’t watched this show you have to. Aside from this killer cast and most real script, they bring up a lot of good topics. One thing the sister of Kristen Bell (Joanne in the show) says is, “Most guys like boring girls./Most girls are boring.” Something along the lines of that. Despite them not getting deep into that topic, Kristen Bell is real. She sends an embarrassing joke after a date with a guy who seems to be a much better person than her, but I feel like she would be a hilarious and wonderful woman to spend time with. Okay, maybe that’s a crazy statement. Let me stop rambling and tell you what we are really talking about today. Why do most guys like boring girls? Is it because of the centuries of the patriarchy running the show behind the scenes? You know, where men are the ones doing the dirty work, they have the fun, they like to go and have an adventure of a lifetime, meanwhile the girl is only able to participate when its sexy? I’m speaking in perspective of a tv show. In reality, everything prior to the 60s’ was full of women staying home and cooking dinner. Waiting for the man. The husband. Despite, it being 2025 and it being obvious women are capable of so much more than that. Today, we are getting into the trad wife trend on Tik Tok (I know it’s a lifestyle more than a trend, but I’m wine drunk so just let me write), the male gaze through so many shows, and why it is so much easier for men to be with the “boring” girl that claims she isn’t a feminist, even though he want to cheat with the girl that is everything the man full of toxic masculinity is against. This may say a bit about where I stand in the world we live in here in America, but like I said earlier… This is a wine drunk article. Either you agree, or you don’t. Yet, you’re still here reading. Let’s begin.

I don’t want to bore you by talking about this show for hours, but let me give you a quick understanding of where I am at right now. I am currently watching the show “Nobody Wants This” which features Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. To be blunt, my two celebrity crushes. One of them I want to be, one of them I have loved since “The O.C.” The reason I think I have fallen in love with this show so fast is because Joanne, Kristen Bell, is the woman we want to be. Not in the sense that she is perceived as a bad person, but just because she is bold. Yes, maybe a bit attention seeking, but I admire how open she is. If you haven’t read any of my prior articles, I have this thing for women who are oddly authentic. Not oddly, but yes… Oddly. Anyways, Joanne is this total contrast to the stereotype. There is nothing perfect about her, she is real, raw, and runs a podcast with her sister about sex. Her and her sister ague, moral of the story. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. Now. Side/last note: She wants her podcast about sex to be seen as more than sex. She wants it to be empowering. Can we get into the patriarchy now?

I want to start of with some history. Where did women roles lie before the 1960s? And how are those patriarchal norms still lingering in relationships here today? Okay, to begin, obviously the woman was the ideal homemaker. Prior to the 1960s, women were excepted to be mothers. Girls were raised to be mothers. They were meant to keep the house clean before their husbands got home. Their responsibilities were to cook, clean, and make sure the children were okay. The 1950s were full of this ideal. Honestly, if you don’t believe me… Research it yourself. Ask your grandma, because mine would agree. Despite media not being the same as it was back then as it is now, it was full of the “perfect suburban wife” in that time. Not only were their responsibilities to be inside and take care of everyone aside from themselves, there were limited career opportunities, marriage and independence, and political and social limits. Let me break this all down. Most women were nurses, teachers, secretaries, and I can say this confidently as my 70-some-year old grandma was actually a secretary. These jobs were all perceived as feminine. And honestly, still are, I mean how many of us are blown away when a man says he’s a nurse? I don’t mean that rudely, I just feel like it’s the truth. It was rare for women to take on any sort of leadership role. Quick question, have you heard of the “marriage bar” practice? If you’re still reading, you probably have… Let me give you a little reminder anyways. This is a practice where women were supposed to leave their job after marriage. It was a real thing, you get married and then you quit your job! I mean, I can’t say it was as promoted in the 60s’ as it was prior to that decade, but it was most certainly used for a while. So, now you might be wondering why I am bringing up the political and social limitations… I try to keep my platform completely free of politics, so let me try my best here. Women only gained the right to vote in 1920. I know that seems like a long time ago, but at the same time men were able to vote for several years before that. Actually all of the years before 1920! I know that’s obvious… Just leave me alone. Anyways, anyone who wanted to speak up about any sort of issue like this, you know, equal rights for women, they were known as being a seeker for trouble. A troublemaker. Okay, I am not trying to put you to sleep, and this is not some sort of history lesson, now let’s talk about the juicy stuff.

The trad wife and all of the appeal to that. What a crazy thing to admire, but is it really? I mean, despite all of the things I just talked about. The oppression and the way that women’s rights were so… invisible? I know some of us still dream of just staying home all day. I can confidently say that I would love to stay home and write all day. Go and grab a matcha when I wake up, but that’s not realistic anymore. A lot of the time to live comfortably in this economy, everyone in the household needs to be working. Anyways, so what is the trad wife lifestyle? The trad wife stands for traditional wife. Obviously focusing on the 1950s-style gender roles. They prioritize all of things that we were forced to do before we were allowed to like anything else. I am not judging one for enjoying this role, but should it really be that romanticized? Many people believe that it is rejecting feminism, despite it potentially being another form of it. I feel like this isn’t talked about. Obviously, we need powerful women to keep this balance, and without women breaking out of the traditional gender roles we wouldn’t ever have that balance, but women need reminders that it is okay to do anything you like. I really don’t want to shame traditional wives too much because I don’t want you to feel as if it’s wrong to stay at home. I do just want to bring up that one ballerina chick from Tik Tok. She had dreams of being a professional dancer, I quote “I was a good dancer.” Despite her never admitting it, how sad it is to hear that she quit something she was so passionate about to pursue a marriage. That is all I will say, just let me know if you want to hear more about it, because I could talk about it. Let’s talk about the important part here, why are men drawn to this lifestyle? I feel as if many men are easily attracted to this dynamic because it aligns with the patriarchal comfort. I mean they have all the control and minimal pushback. What about that does NOT scream “PATRIARCHY!” Let’s get into the actual facts of it all. There is less competition in power dynamics. Men don’t have to be challenged by their partner, they can come home and just relax… They may subconsciously feel a sense of nostalgia for a simpler time. Despite what it might seem to most of us, the 1950s are known to the less amount of people as the “good old days” where men were the breadwinners. Which can still be true, but like I referenced, is not most of the time. And the most favored part from what I’ve learned, there is much less emotional labor. Men don’t have to deal with complex emotions. I am not a trad wife, or apart of that lifestyle, but I will say that men are scared of emotional baggage, and I assume trad wives don’t talk to their husbands like a best friend. They don’t want their husband to grow emotionally, and the man in the relationship doesn’t care to! Gross. There is just no expectation of growth throughout their relationship. The trad wife lifestyle makes the man feel important and needed. Mostly, in control. Last topic that revolves around the trad wife… Social media. Aesthetic over reality. When you, or at least I, I think of bread baking, vintage dresses, and a spotless home when it comes to this vibe, which are all honestly amazing things! No shade on that game, but I also think of exhaustion and financial dependence. I feel like if you take a deeper look, there is so much exhaustion in those eyes. I don’t want to talk about this too much longer because social media is all perception! I could be completely wrong. I just ask you to think about this next time a trad wife shows up on your Tik Tok. Does she ever rest? Does she look happy? Truly? Does she ever talk about a passion that she isn’t pursuing and could be?

So, before getting into the final section of why it’s just so much easier to be with a “boring” girl, let’s talk about the male gaze. Where did this term even come from? Well, let me tell you. Laura Mulvey. She is a film theorist, that suggests that movies and shows frame women that prioritize attractiveness and submissiveness to men, rather than any sort of depth. Almost like a woman doesn’t have anything other than their body… The gaze totally influences the way beauty standards are set, societal expectations, and the way that women feel the need to present themselves.

How many glasses of wine deep do you think I am?

Okay, back to it. The woman seen through the male gaze is technically the “boring girl.” She is safe, she dresses slutty, but only to be seduced. She speaks her mind, but her mind is what a man wants to hear. Some may consider her a pick-me girl, when in reality if you meet this girl in person, you’ll find she just craves male validation. Which is a much deeper rooted problem than just the male gaze. Not getting into that, the male gaze enforces this idea that a woman’s goal in life is to be reliable, loyal, and appear for a man! That is just so gross to me. I don’t know, maybe I’ve been fucked over one too many times, but ewh. The whole point of being a woman is being yourself, just like if you're a man, you’re more than welcome to be yourself! Man, woman, equal, are we understanding this together?

Okay, the finale. Why do guys like boring girls? The reason you’re here. I believe, I cannot say confidently as I am not a man, so this is all perception, but for some men being with a non-feminist woman feels much less challenging. In a similar sense as to why a man being with a trad wife is easy. Feminism is based off of accountability. It is about emotional intelligence and equality, but this can feel uncomfortable for men because it brings up different forms of masculinity. It almost brings up the idea of men tapping into their feminine side. No, I am not saying the your boyfriend has to be just like you, unless you like that, but there is an art to feminism. Creativeness, a gentle touch, intuition, and understanding oppression throughout different communities. To begin with the basics, there is going to be more resistance with strong women than with the male gaze, trad wife, girl. Society has continued to reward women for being agreeable and passive, which to be fair… Would make a relationship so much easier. If I were to agree with my boyfriend on everything, there would be no problems! I also know I would be unhappy, seeing a therapist 5x a week, and probably writing a million pages a day. Okay, enough of me, a woman that is ambitious and vocal about social issues, many men perceive as “too much” or “difficult.” Another issue is that most women that are vocal about social issues can be seen as angry and nagging, despite it being the same way a man talks about red pill theories. Does that make sense? This resistance comes from fragile masculinity, not quite toxic, but a lot of the time fragile leads to toxic. I can’t explain it too well, I just know… Sorry. Aside from all of the feminism in these new age women, apparently feminism is feared! That last sentence was a huge joke, but many men do tend to believe that feminism revolves around hating men rather than men being equal to women! Traditional masculinity teaches men to be dominant. To provide. Which don’t get me wrong, is sexy as hell, but feminism and feminist (despite the two being different) it ruins this perfect path. It has helped women realize they don’t need emotional, financial, or personal dependency, they don’t need a man. They can be independent, which ruins mens “vibe” of being the provider, now women need more. Sometimes not even more, but just equal to what we can give ourselves. And if we can give ourselves a lot of love, then we may need to receive a lot of love from our significant other. One of my good friends said once, “The only person a man is competing with here, is me.” So true. I love my friends.

So why do men chase what they claim to dislike? Men claim to dislike feminists, yet why do so many anti-feminists men end up being drawn to feminist women! This happens to do with confidence, intelligence, and passion. They are naturally attractive traits with any gender. And sometimes if a man is questioning his own worth, he will seek it through other people. And what is more powerful than sex? Answer: Nothing. Speaking situationally by the way.

My final thoughts on all of this… I think that it’s easier for men to be with non-feminist women because it requires less growth. There is no need to work on the toxic masculinity if nobody makes it known to them. The men that resist feminism, are often the ones to weirdly seek it the most. They’re attracted to the things that they can’t acquire confidently. The real challenge isn’t feminist women, but it’s more so about whether men are ready or not to rise to their level.

Bye!